How Black Women Save Our (Sex) Lives
I didn’t know just how pivotal sex therapy would be until my second session.
Unpacking can be brutal. It requires that you hold a scalpel, constantly at the ready to slice yourself down the middle. Shit needs to pour out that’s clogging up the pipes, especially the sexual ones. Much of my sexual life is a blur. My anxious, lizard brain doing me the solid of blocking out a good chunk of memories — not solely due to the act, but the person wielding the pleasure. In this, I’ve been learning how to separate the act from the person but even that doesn’t bring those memories to full lucidity. I remember my first penetrative orgasm pretty clearly (I wrote about it here) and a passing instance of sloppy head (giver and receiver) but dassit. Because I’m who I am — I cannot leave well enough alone because it’s not well enough for me — I sought out higher assistance.
Black women have taken our places in the myriad of sex-positive spaces. From the work of Jimanekia Eborn that centers sexual education and trauma support for survivors of sexual assault to ShaVaughn Elle who combines the worlds of sex and spirituality in affirming and actionable ways to Mama Z the Guru, who singlehandedly got us all to run out for pink Kitty Kat pills. Sex education for the culture by the culture is leaving an indelible mark on our lives. Gone (mostly) are the days of Purity Culture…
