Aijuswanabeeceennherrd

Call it what you want. A shot in the dark. Screaming into an empty room. Taking a stab hoping to hit. I just want my work to be seen, heard and felt.

I fell hard for podcasts this year. Some favorites are Another Round, The Friend Zone, The Read, Bodega Boys, Hidden Brain, HerMoney and Ted Radio Hour. I don’t remember what the radio sounds like. I’ve been constantly tuned into how to better myself and, when darkness comes, how to make myself feel better. Lemonade, Coloring Book and A Seat at the Table saved my life through 2016 and expanded my creativity. I wrote my first mixtape and mixed my first audiobook. I started my ninth book and held a book signing. I made some noise with the dopest maternity shots ever and led #ThickThighsSaveLivesRVA into new territory. And now I face 2017: wide-eyed, longing and worried shitless. So much is unknown. January 20th for all we know may just enact The Purge or signal Jesus’ cookout invitation.

So I just want all my things seen, heard and felt. All of them. Every book. Every page. Poem. Lyric. Photo. Campaign. I desire to saturate and satiate. And one day be one of those prolific writers and influencers featured on my favorite podcasts.

How do I do this? One word: courage. I haven’t taken all the chances I should have this year mainly due to fear. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of rejection. So I played it super safe. Posted about my things once or twice then wondered why no units moved. Got mad at my city. Mad at friends. Finally, I realized my struggle was me. I was coasting on afraid.

So, instead of the traditional announcement to Facebook of “new year, new me” to which I always laugh at and roll my eyes, I’m confessing here. I’m doing all of this afraid. Acting in the definition of courage. Without knowing the outcome. Because my things are good. They deserve some spotlight. And aijuswanabeeceennherrd.